Jurassic World

I like dinosaurs. I will have a difficult time disliking very much any movie that lets me see dinosaurs. Yes, I know it's all CGI, and yes, I know this isn't actually what dinosaurs looked like, but, doggone it, even these shadows of dinosaurs make my spirits soar.

Because of that, Jurassic World would absolutely be built, even after the fiasco of Jurassic Park. We'll do it right this time. We'll learn from our mistakes. The idea of bringing back the dinosaurs is so compelling that, once the technology to do it exists, every few generations is going to have to learn anew that the dinosaurs always win.

Indominous Rex...I can also buy. It does seem like eventually someone would stop to think that one all the way through...but maybe not. It's human nature to want things bigger and better, and we mad scientists are not necessarily known for our prudence. So yeah, this situation would exist, and the dinosaurs would win.

But did we really have to make it so easy on them? Let's enter the cage to inspect the scratch marks before we find the missing super-dino, because clearly touching the scratch marks is more important than looking for footprints on the other side of the wall or finding the most secure shelter available until we figure out what's going on.

(Which, by the way, how did Indominous know to change her body temperature? Why on earth would she have suspected that that was being monitored?)

Then, once the super-dino has escaped, we should certainly try to recapture it alive, and not evacuate the island immediately, because we're concerned about money.

Question: Which zoo would you go to--the one that you know will evacuate you the minute there's any hint of anything wrong, or the one one that will tell you everything's under control until it's too late? Heck, why not have enough ferry boats for everyone on the island and just evacuate to a little ways offshore for a few hours? I know ferry boats are expensive, but you have an island full of dinosaurs. This seems like a reasonably cost-effective safety measure.

Also, I understand why the first Indominous was so expensive, but why would the second one be? You've already done all the research and synthesized the DNA, so all you have left to do is grow the clone, and by now the Jurassic World scientists would be able to do that in their sleep. So shoot the rogue Indominous and make a new one. (Or come to your senses and not.) Your business model kind of depends on no tourists getting eaten, so even if it costs you a bit and causes some delay, it's worth it.

Then, when they do get serious about shooting the thing, we find out that the only person left on the entire island who can pilot a chopper at all is the only half-competent financier of the place. Wait, what? The containment team really doesn't include any trained helicopter pilots? Why the heck do you have a helicopter? Now, it's possible that no pilot could have pulled this off, but, come on guys, you're not even trying here.

In the meantime, the endangered kids very conveniently found the old Jurassic Park visitors' center and got a jeep working, which they totally have the skills and tools to do, and fortunately it still had enough gas to get them back to the new visitors' center. Willing suspension of disbelief and all that, but...

And then there were the velociraptors. The semi-trained velociraptors. These aren't dinosaurs. They're scaly wolves. And you know what? The military would not be considering using them as weapons, for the same reason we don't use wolves as weapons. Namely, that idea is insane. We do use dogs, but not in the way they were talking about the velociraptors. We don't typically go into the war zone and try to sic a pack of dogs on the enemy. Unless they have managed to create velociraptors with bullet proof hides, velociraptor regiments are not going to be effective.

(While we're on this subject, exactly what is the logic behind the idea that animals can't be bought? Isn't the whole methodology of training that they can be bought with food? True that you will sometimes hear incredible stories of the loyalty of dogs, but why are we expecting velociraptors to act like dogs?)

When the velociraptors do find Indominous, there's some difficulty because SPOILER ALERT: Indominous is part raptor. Funny how the military guy who seemed to be in charge of this didn't realize that was a problem. Just hubris, I guess?

And then the big showdown happens. In one important moment, a velociraptor decides where her loyalty lies. Why do we have to rob raptors of their dinosaur-ness like this? And in another, a woman in high heals outruns a T-rex. In the world of Jurassic Park, it is mentioned that the T-rex can run at 32 miles per hour. A woman in high heals cannot run at 32 miles per hour. An olympic sprinter in running shoes cannot run at 32 miles per hour. She is lunch. (Or in this case, midnight snack.)

But she makes it. And the velociraptor sides with the humans, and, with the help of a well-placed sea monster, they bring Indominous down and let the humans escape, and the T-rex is now free and happy, as...nature intended? END SPOILER

So at the end of the day, we have a dinosaur park run by people with a grand total of no common sense. But still, we have a dinosaur park, and that's what counts.